Basically, my uncle came to me a few hours ago pissed off that I ate the last two slices of pizza (he didn’t mark it or put his name on it, which is the only way anyone in this house can actually distinguish personal items from food that is free for all). I normally wouldn’t care. Yes, he failed to tag it, which means I had no way of knowing it was off limits. Yes, he and his girlfriend eat/drink the food I buy if I leave it in the fridge untouched. Yes, it is a total dick move of him to introduce his frustration to me by being pissed off and acting like a child.

What really bothers is that he brought up how tight his money is month to month. He only gets 200-250 dollars a month from welfare. He gets so little because his money gets split between two to three different mothers of his other children. He doesn’t work. Normally, I don’t give too much of a shit. Do I think he’s a bit of a prick because he abandoned kids? Yeah, but I do understand that he is human.

What I don’t understand is why it seemed like a good idea to complain to me about it as cannon fodder for his point. I don’t give a fuck that I ate your stupid food. Put your fucking name on it, like everyone else does. That way, this doesn’t happen.

He also said something along the lines of: “And I don’t punch a fucking wall when I’m mad at my grandma; I punch fuckers in the face.” There were two points to it as I see it:

1. He’s referencing an incident that happened a couple of years ago. I got into a severe argument with my grandmother. I became too enraged to hold it in anymore, so instead of yelling at her, I went into my room, and after a couple of minutes of trying to hold it in, I put my fist through the wall. It was childish; I apologized to my grandma and payed for the damages.

2. The second part is a thinly veiled threat. So, to my uncle, it is better to punch someone in the face then it is to punch a wall. I would disagree. I would also disagree with the likelihood of that working. My uncle is about four inches shorter than me, weighs 30-40 pounds less than me, has a bad back, drinks and smokes; he doesn’t take care of himself. I’m not talking about an old guy, either. He’s 34.

I hate living here, because I am constantly holding my tongue while everyone else lashes theirs’ at me. I am tired of cleaning up after everyone. I am tired of people taking advantage of my grandmother (including myself; I hate that I haven’t moved out, yet. I know I am a huge burden, and it makes me feel like shit).

I am really tired of the bullshit. The one good thing about this is that I do not have to hold back with my uncle. I can tell him to fuck off if I feel like it. He said we would “talk about it tomorrow”. Unless he apologizes for how he talked to me earlier, I hope he expects me to not give a shit.

I feel like a couped-up animal at times. I am constantly calming myself down, making excuses/ forcing sympathy for others. I hate that, until this happened, I have tried to defend my aunt and uncle’s shitty behavior. They neglect their kid, take advantage of my grandmother, and are generally lazy, unproductive people.

I have got to make sure I don’t end up being anything like them.