Sunday, 25 December 2011

  • Holy crapsicles, it's Christmas

    And a merry Christmas to you all.

    So, first holiday season with me and Lynn on our own. It's been a few months since I moved out and everything is going pretty well. I just finished my first semester at Chico, which was an ordeal. I didn't get the grades I should of, but at least I now know what to expect from university classes. I'm pretty dang optimistic about next semester, so there's that right.

    On the more positive side, I am eating better and working out more. I'm also practicing more guitar and even starting to learn how to sing and play the drums. I would be drawing/ sketching/ illustrating more, but my tablet has become very tweaky.

    I got a sweet gift for myself thanks to my grandpa: a Kindle Fire. I'm hoping to get some of my textbooks as e-books so that I can actually bring all of my books to class instead of having to leave them in my car all the time. I have been reading Fight Club, which is a fantastic book, by the way. Lynn got a Kindle Touch, and she has been reading a crapton of Piers Anthony books.

    Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a wonderful holiday season.

    Or else.

    >:D

Wednesday, 05 October 2011

Saturday, 09 July 2011

Friday, 24 June 2011


  • Basically, my uncle came to me a few hours ago pissed off that I ate the last two slices of pizza (he didn’t mark it or put his name on it, which is the only way anyone in this house can actually distinguish personal items from food that is free for all). I normally wouldn’t care. Yes, he failed to tag it, which means I had no way of knowing it was off limits. Yes, he and his girlfriend eat/drink the food I buy if I leave it in the fridge untouched. Yes, it is a total dick move of him to introduce his frustration to me by being pissed off and acting like a child.

    What really bothers is that he brought up how tight his money is month to month. He only gets 200-250 dollars a month from welfare. He gets so little because his money gets split between two to three different mothers of his other children. He doesn’t work. Normally, I don’t give too much of a shit. Do I think he’s a bit of a prick because he abandoned kids? Yeah, but I do understand that he is human.

    What I don’t understand is why it seemed like a good idea to complain to me about it as cannon fodder for his point. I don’t give a fuck that I ate your stupid food. Put your fucking name on it, like everyone else does. That way, this doesn’t happen.

    He also said something along the lines of: “And I don’t punch a fucking wall when I’m mad at my grandma; I punch fuckers in the face.” There were two points to it as I see it:

    1. He’s referencing an incident that happened a couple of years ago. I got into a severe argument with my grandmother. I became too enraged to hold it in anymore, so instead of yelling at her, I went into my room, and after a couple of minutes of trying to hold it in, I put my fist through the wall. It was childish; I apologized to my grandma and payed for the damages.

    2. The second part is a thinly veiled threat. So, to my uncle, it is better to punch someone in the face then it is to punch a wall. I would disagree. I would also disagree with the likelihood of that working. My uncle is about four inches shorter than me, weighs 30-40 pounds less than me, has a bad back, drinks and smokes; he doesn’t take care of himself. I’m not talking about an old guy, either. He’s 34.

    I hate living here, because I am constantly holding my tongue while everyone else lashes theirs’ at me. I am tired of cleaning up after everyone. I am tired of people taking advantage of my grandmother (including myself; I hate that I haven’t moved out, yet. I know I am a huge burden, and it makes me feel like shit).

    I am really tired of the bullshit. The one good thing about this is that I do not have to hold back with my uncle. I can tell him to fuck off if I feel like it. He said we would “talk about it tomorrow”. Unless he apologizes for how he talked to me earlier, I hope he expects me to not give a shit.

    I feel like a couped-up animal at times. I am constantly calming myself down, making excuses/ forcing sympathy for others. I hate that, until this happened, I have tried to defend my aunt and uncle’s shitty behavior. They neglect their kid, take advantage of my grandmother, and are generally lazy, unproductive people.

    I have got to make sure I don’t end up being anything like them.

Friday, 04 March 2011

  • Why is monogamy such a big deal? It's like, we talk all day about how love is the most important thing that one person can give to another person, but then we place all these restrictions on how we go about it. I mean, I understand how someone can feel uncomfortable with their partner being with someone else, but why do we not question how logical it is to feel that way?

    I mean, I am personally apprehensive about large bodies of open water. I get a bit nervous in pools at night when I can't see the bottom or when I am far out in a boat. But, there is no logical reason for me to feel that way. I have never been in real danger in water, nor do I ever have any reason to get near the ocean.

    I know that is a pretty loose analogy, but I do think that it holds water (zing!). We respect phobias as having real power over a person, but we don't act like it's a rational response. So, why does it matter if our significant other fucks someone else? I mean, really, what's the real loss there? Why is it such a big deal?

    *oh, side note, I don't want some religious BS. I also am not talking about things that break the set rules of a particular relationship. I'm really just musing about how much judgment people throw around about this subject.

Sunday, 02 January 2011

  • Okay, so here's the skinny:

    I am working on my art stuff again. I just got a Bamboo tablet and I have actually been using it, which is a slight shock to me. I normally avoid any real kind of effort.

    So, yeah, I opened a new DA account which can be found here. The way I figure it, my old account  has been stagnant for, what, I think a year or two? Anyway, that makes me feel like I should just start over. New direction, new style, new whatever. There's nothing on there right now, but I will be posting some stuff by the end of this coming week. I have a few "pieces" done, but I think it's better to put more five or more up rather than just two or three.

    I know I have some friends who have artistic talent, so please feel free to comment, message or whatever me with suggestions, critiques or loving compliments. I would very much appreciate it.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

  • People with low self esteem piss me off. No joke. I can't stand the pity parties and self loathing that goes along with it. I can't stand people belittling themselves for this reason or that reason.

    People with low self esteem piss me off because they don't see what I see in them. I have never met a person who was worthless. I have never met a person who deserved less than respect. I have never met a person with limited potential.

    Please, if you read this post and you question whether or not you deserve the good things life can offer, just stop. Stop worrying what the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's your thing) thinks of you. Stop wondering whether you are living up to the ideals of your parents, cause fuck them, they don't know you if they are putting you down. Don't waste your time caring about what society or the establishment or whatever thinks of you. It doesn't matter. None of it matters if you don't take care or yourself first.

    So, for the love of fuck, please understand that there is one person who gives a shit, and thinks you are one cool peep (even if he is a little annoyed at how long it takes you to realize that for yourself)

    End of line.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

  • I'm not a Christian

    Yes, the title is correct. It is not a typo. I do not believe in the Judeo-Christian god. I find it kind of annoying that people assume I am.

    I am agnostic. While I do believe that some kind of greater power/ god/ spirit/ energy is behind it all, I do not know any kind of specifics. Truthfully, I, like everyone else in the world, know nothing about what lies beyond this plane of existence, or if there is even anything there at all.
     
    Not knowing is not something that bugs me much. I don't care to worry about it much of the time. I am not looking for answers from someone else, and I do not feel "lost", whatever people may say about me. While I wouldn't say no to getting the answers right now, I do know that I won't get them from any church I have heard of, let alone a Christian one. 

    I do not believe that Jesus was the son of God. I do not believe that God flooded the earth as some kind of old timey "do over". I do not believe that God gave us free will just to punish us for our curiosity. In fact, I have heard few passages in the Bible that didn't make me roll my eyes or cock an eyebrow; and the few verses that inspired me never seem to be shouted nearly as loud as certain passages from Leviticus.

    I don't know exactly why I am writing this. I guess it's because of how frustrated I feel about what people around me concern themselves with. I hate hearing about the gays in the military, the horrible people who get abortions, the ragheads in Afghanistan who need to be killed for American freedom... I hate hearing the labels people use to justify being assholes to one another.

    But what frustrates me most of all is the respect I will lose from friends and family because of this post. It saddens me that their love for me is based on how I feel about things that have nothing to do with them. Whatever, though, I have more important things to worry about.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

  • "Today, a child is born unto us, and his name will be bacon."

     
    So, there's this comic series called "Scott Pilgrim". And, there's this movie called Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, named after the second volume of the aforementioned comic. There's also a video game called Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and it came out when the movie did, but is based on the books.

    Anyway, enough formalities... point is, I may just be in love with Scott Pilgrim. Not in a gay way, but maybe.

    Seriously, though, I have never encountered a series this awesome. Also, I have never seen media based upon a book series that kicked just as much ass as the comic it was taken from (especially considering the fact that the movie ending was made up because the series hadn't finished. Seriously, they made up an ending just as good as the book's finale. Hell, every change they made in the movie didn't make it better/ worse. It just made it work as a movie rather than as a movie trying to be a book; I mean, how often does a movie do this kind of thing?) Plus, I have never read/ watched a book/ movie that so perfectly reflected my personality. That's not to say that the character of Scott Pilgrim is very much like me. I mean, yes, we both do that thing where our memories don't really mesh up with reality (see the picture above for reference; I know I did). The world of Scott Pilgrim is the best example I have seen so far of my mentality put into a tangible media.

    I love the sarcastic humor, the random video game references, the heavy music influence, and the general psychological metaphor running throughout (for example, Ramona's baggage from previous relationships literally impeding Scott from pursuing a relationship with her). Oh, and the sound track kicks all kinds of ass, and, yes, Sex Bob-omb seems to have the magic ability to play the kind of music I love to play/ listen to.

    Also, it is very pretty. And the gay guy is awesome. But, then again, gay guys typically are.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

  • In case you were wondering what I am up to, here are some updates:

    1. I'm currently living, which I greatly enjoy. I have decided to keep it up for at least a few more years.

    2. I started the P90X about a week, which is presently my favorite way to get my ass kicked. Good stuff.

    3. I am done with school this semester. The only required class I took was half a semester, and the other two were a waste of time (they were music classes that had material I learned years ago). No worries, though. I am getting my AA this semester, and I am optimistic about getting into CSU Chico next fall.

    4. I love/ hate my Xbox. I have bought more games in the last two months than I have in the year before.

    5. My guitar work has slouched (see numbers 2 and 4 for the main culprits), but I am working on it.

    6. Also, Lynn and I are throwing around ideas for a comic. Hopefully, we will continue and actually write.

    7. I am working more since I am not going to classes for the next few months. I am enjoying the extra and I am hoping to save enough money to move out with Lynn before the end of the spring semester.

MattFreakinNix

  • Visit MattFreakinNix's Xanga Site
    • Name: Matthew
    • Birthday: 11/23/1988
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 4/6/2009

About Me

  • I am a moderate, but only because of my tend to be socially liberal and economically conservative. I hate sports. I love listening to music, especially if I can play guitar to it. I am working on my psychology (and maybe psych tech) AA degree. I am engaged. Whoo. Whatever. Read my blog. That might be more insightful.

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  • Mangonese
    I like the tag "suckinganut" you have on here. Very classy. :P
  • EbilJo
    Chika chicka wha?!
    • Posted 4/7/2009 9:25 AM
    • by EbilJo